Ah, the Universe is mysterious and wonderful indeed.
A big, heartfelt THANK YOU!!!! to all the REAL people in my life who know what friendship and love is really supposed to be about. I'm at a time in my life where I expected certain backs to be turned away in disgust, and others with helping hands outstretched....but, I can tell you right now, people are not taking on the roles I thought they would! It just goes to show you that people will always be there to surprise you, for better or worse. All I can do is focus on those who are good to me, trying to do good for others and hoping the positivity continues to perpetuate itself. I hope others can really think about this today too, and realize what it means to be a good person and true friend. Of course, even your real friends aren't going to be perfect, but there's a difference between making a mistake and KNOWINGLY and INTENTIONALLY putting someone else at a disadvantage in order to gain something for yourself. So, think about that, everyone, and remember, who you are is ALWAYS a CHOICE. What will you choose?
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Wedding Rings
Alex and I were on the computer, just stumbling, kinda bored, when the subject of rings was brought up. I had been stressing a bit about what we should do, b/c they can get expensive. I figured we'd probably just end up getting the wedding bands, since it'll be cheaper that way. Then Alex suggested claddagh rings! I was like, yay, that's perfect! So we started looking online, and I found these 3 on Gemvara.com that we both really liked. So, looking for opinions: which one is prettiest?
I really like this one, but I think it might be a little too feminine for us to both wear it, so Alex would prob end up w/one of the other ones if I picked it.
This is really pretty, but a little bit plain.
I like this one, it's Alex's favorite. The rose gold accents make it a little fancier than the solid sterling.
Anyway, let me know what you think!
Anyway, let me know what you think!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
The Wedding...Yes, I said Wedding
So, for anyone that somehow doesn't know yet, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant, unemployed, as is the father, and on a lot of government aid programs...good times :/ That's just a quick general update, as I deleted my previous entries due to a general air of negativity.
Anyway, just got the first ultrasound done a couple weeks ago. It was for down syndrome testing, and everything came back negative, so I'm at an extremely decreased risk level, which is good news. :) It was still a bit early, but the nurse offered the opinion that she thinks it's going to be a girl. Alex got all excited and insisted on asking the doctor what he thought when he came in (he agreed). B/c, oh, yeah, it took 3 people jamming on me w/the stupid machine to get the results they needed! They stuck me w/a new guy @ first, who was super gentle. Then the nurse came in and BEAT the CRAP out of me with the ultrasound wand. She was trying forever, pushing really hard and then, like jiggling my stomach really roughly, trying to get the baby to move where she wanted. But she STILL couldn't get the right angle, so they had to call the doctor in to do it. He was a little less rough, and got the picture fairly quickly. It was certainly an eventful day, though. The testing facility was @ Hartford Hospital, which I'd never been to, so it was very confusing and I wasn't sure where to park and was a little afraid of getting towed. My car was there when I came out :) but, then I got pulled over on the way home for running a red light, even though it was SOOO green. W/e, no use arguing w/cops, so I just apologized and he let me go.
Of course, since we're going to have a baby, everyone wants to know if Alex and I are getting married. Well, after being together for 5 years, we really want to, and have for a while, we just haven't been able to afford it. With a baby on the way, it didn't seem like we were any closer to being able to swing a wedding. So we were just kindof going to let it happen when it happens. Alex's mother was very uncomfortable with that idea, trying to convince us to get married this November (yeah, the month that is currently ENDING) which she suggested in October. She said she and Al's dad would help out w/the money if we did it then and had the ceremony at their church in traditional Russian Orthodox fashion. The look on my face must have been hilarious, I wish I had a picture.
Just to clarify before I rant, I LOVE Alex's parents. His whole family is very warm and friendly and they've always made me feel welcome and loved, and have helped both of us out a lot over the past few years. However, the first problem with this plan was, of course, the timing. Plan a wedding in a month?! As if! Plus, some of my best friends that I would really like to be there are out of the state, or even out of the country, and there's NO way they'd have been able to make it. How could I possibly get married without Devin there, or Ruth, or Mary? On top of this glaring setback is the fact that NEITHER Alex NOR I label ourselves as Christian, much less Russian Orthodox. Their church is really nice and everything, and I like a lot of the people there, but...I'm just...not Christian. It would make me really uncomfortable to have a Christian ceremony; it would just feel like lying to placate Alex's family. I can't stand to cheapen this ritual or my relationship with a lie like that. I don't mean any disrespect by it. Alex's mom and dad are really involved with their church, and Alex's mom especially has very strong faith. It gives them comfort and a sense of satisfaction, and I see nothing wrong with it. I just don't buy the whole Christianity as an institution thing. How are you going to say you worship Jesus Christ, who preached peace, love, and acceptance, then turn around and declare all these exclusivities for receiving his love? Jesus loves you! (unless you're gay!) Wtf? Ok, getting carried away. I could talk about religion vs spirituality ALL DAY, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here. Point: it's my life, my beliefs, and I need to be true to myself or I'm just living a lie.
Anyway, my mother came to the rescue. I had been expecting, when she found out about the pregnancy, that she would have an absolute shit fit, to be perfectly blunt. I thought it was going to be lectures about responsibility coupled with interrogations on how I planned to deal with the huge mess I'd landed myself in. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that, once she saw that Alex and I were, though quite nervous and scared, extremely excited, she showed the same reaction. Actually, I'm starting to think she might be more excited then we are! RoflHarkness Memorial Park. :)
My mom has really made things so much easier for me these past few months. Nothing is going as I expected it to. Alex's family seems to be making a much bigger deal out of the fact that we aren't married, nor are we going to consent to be Orthodox just to appease them than I had anticipated. I had expected them to be more excited about a new baby. And, like I said before, I did not expect the news that I'm pregnant to be so incredibly well received by my mother. Even before the ultrasound, she was insisting it would be a girl. She has been so supportive, and I don't know what I'd do right now without her. Sometimes it's really hard to stay focused on the fact that this really is a blessing, and to remember how excited I am about being a mom. It seems that a lot of people are just full of harsh judgements, even those that don't really have any idea about the situation, and even though I feel like I should know better, it makes me feel bad. I wish that Alex and I had gotten married sooner, but we didn't. But I'd never wish for anything to have gone differently with getting pregnant, b/c, crazy as this one sounds, somehow I just feel like this is the right time. I feel like the stars have aligned or something and this baby needs to come into the world and be ours right now.
I decided to change my Facebook status to "engaged", even though, technically, Alex hasn't officially proposed yet...hmm, must've been weird for him to have my mom already starting to help w/wedding plans! Lol! I figured, it's GOING to happen. Even if it doesn't happen how or when we're thinking or planning it will right now, it's going to happen. If I hadn't kicked him out a couple years ago, he would have already proposed. He told me he'd been trying to save money to get the ring I wanted when I broke up w/him. :( Oops...well, I guess it's good, b/c I realized the ring I said I wanted might be hard to wear w/a wedding band. Honestly, I don't really care if he gets me an engagement ring at all, though we'll have to get wedding bands, of course. He did buy me a really nice ring over the summer, as a promise ring, with moonstone. :) I just feel bad b/c I know he's feeling a little self conscious about the fact that he hasn't made a formal proposal. Those ritualistic kinds of things are really important to him.
I think that's quite enough of an update for now!! So much going on, it's all a little overwhelming (a little..ha) and I haven't really had much time for blogging...well, really I haven't had the motivation. But I need to start doing more productive things, since I'm not working, or I'll start to get all mopey and depressed...eeew. So, more later!
Anyway, just got the first ultrasound done a couple weeks ago. It was for down syndrome testing, and everything came back negative, so I'm at an extremely decreased risk level, which is good news. :) It was still a bit early, but the nurse offered the opinion that she thinks it's going to be a girl. Alex got all excited and insisted on asking the doctor what he thought when he came in (he agreed). B/c, oh, yeah, it took 3 people jamming on me w/the stupid machine to get the results they needed! They stuck me w/a new guy @ first, who was super gentle. Then the nurse came in and BEAT the CRAP out of me with the ultrasound wand. She was trying forever, pushing really hard and then, like jiggling my stomach really roughly, trying to get the baby to move where she wanted. But she STILL couldn't get the right angle, so they had to call the doctor in to do it. He was a little less rough, and got the picture fairly quickly. It was certainly an eventful day, though. The testing facility was @ Hartford Hospital, which I'd never been to, so it was very confusing and I wasn't sure where to park and was a little afraid of getting towed. My car was there when I came out :) but, then I got pulled over on the way home for running a red light, even though it was SOOO green. W/e, no use arguing w/cops, so I just apologized and he let me go.
Of course, since we're going to have a baby, everyone wants to know if Alex and I are getting married. Well, after being together for 5 years, we really want to, and have for a while, we just haven't been able to afford it. With a baby on the way, it didn't seem like we were any closer to being able to swing a wedding. So we were just kindof going to let it happen when it happens. Alex's mother was very uncomfortable with that idea, trying to convince us to get married this November (yeah, the month that is currently ENDING) which she suggested in October. She said she and Al's dad would help out w/the money if we did it then and had the ceremony at their church in traditional Russian Orthodox fashion. The look on my face must have been hilarious, I wish I had a picture.
Just to clarify before I rant, I LOVE Alex's parents. His whole family is very warm and friendly and they've always made me feel welcome and loved, and have helped both of us out a lot over the past few years. However, the first problem with this plan was, of course, the timing. Plan a wedding in a month?! As if! Plus, some of my best friends that I would really like to be there are out of the state, or even out of the country, and there's NO way they'd have been able to make it. How could I possibly get married without Devin there, or Ruth, or Mary? On top of this glaring setback is the fact that NEITHER Alex NOR I label ourselves as Christian, much less Russian Orthodox. Their church is really nice and everything, and I like a lot of the people there, but...I'm just...not Christian. It would make me really uncomfortable to have a Christian ceremony; it would just feel like lying to placate Alex's family. I can't stand to cheapen this ritual or my relationship with a lie like that. I don't mean any disrespect by it. Alex's mom and dad are really involved with their church, and Alex's mom especially has very strong faith. It gives them comfort and a sense of satisfaction, and I see nothing wrong with it. I just don't buy the whole Christianity as an institution thing. How are you going to say you worship Jesus Christ, who preached peace, love, and acceptance, then turn around and declare all these exclusivities for receiving his love? Jesus loves you! (unless you're gay!) Wtf? Ok, getting carried away. I could talk about religion vs spirituality ALL DAY, but that's not the point I'm trying to make here. Point: it's my life, my beliefs, and I need to be true to myself or I'm just living a lie.
Anyway, my mother came to the rescue. I had been expecting, when she found out about the pregnancy, that she would have an absolute shit fit, to be perfectly blunt. I thought it was going to be lectures about responsibility coupled with interrogations on how I planned to deal with the huge mess I'd landed myself in. However, I was pleasantly surprised to find that, once she saw that Alex and I were, though quite nervous and scared, extremely excited, she showed the same reaction. Actually, I'm starting to think she might be more excited then we are! RoflHarkness Memorial Park. :)
My mom has really made things so much easier for me these past few months. Nothing is going as I expected it to. Alex's family seems to be making a much bigger deal out of the fact that we aren't married, nor are we going to consent to be Orthodox just to appease them than I had anticipated. I had expected them to be more excited about a new baby. And, like I said before, I did not expect the news that I'm pregnant to be so incredibly well received by my mother. Even before the ultrasound, she was insisting it would be a girl. She has been so supportive, and I don't know what I'd do right now without her. Sometimes it's really hard to stay focused on the fact that this really is a blessing, and to remember how excited I am about being a mom. It seems that a lot of people are just full of harsh judgements, even those that don't really have any idea about the situation, and even though I feel like I should know better, it makes me feel bad. I wish that Alex and I had gotten married sooner, but we didn't. But I'd never wish for anything to have gone differently with getting pregnant, b/c, crazy as this one sounds, somehow I just feel like this is the right time. I feel like the stars have aligned or something and this baby needs to come into the world and be ours right now.
I decided to change my Facebook status to "engaged", even though, technically, Alex hasn't officially proposed yet...hmm, must've been weird for him to have my mom already starting to help w/wedding plans! Lol! I figured, it's GOING to happen. Even if it doesn't happen how or when we're thinking or planning it will right now, it's going to happen. If I hadn't kicked him out a couple years ago, he would have already proposed. He told me he'd been trying to save money to get the ring I wanted when I broke up w/him. :( Oops...well, I guess it's good, b/c I realized the ring I said I wanted might be hard to wear w/a wedding band. Honestly, I don't really care if he gets me an engagement ring at all, though we'll have to get wedding bands, of course. He did buy me a really nice ring over the summer, as a promise ring, with moonstone. :) I just feel bad b/c I know he's feeling a little self conscious about the fact that he hasn't made a formal proposal. Those ritualistic kinds of things are really important to him.
I think that's quite enough of an update for now!! So much going on, it's all a little overwhelming (a little..ha) and I haven't really had much time for blogging...well, really I haven't had the motivation. But I need to start doing more productive things, since I'm not working, or I'll start to get all mopey and depressed...eeew. So, more later!
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